despite the fact that no one is really doing much with these anymore, it's sortof all i want to do right now. my brother graduated from high school today, but i wasn't at the ceremony for a number of reasons. primarily, i didn't want to go because i felt like it was going to be slightly traumatizing given my own fucked up experiences surrounding my own graduation a couple of years ago. essentially, i was locked away in this hell hole of a "rehab" center, where every day i worried about getting my ass whipped by one of the foster kids who'd gotten dumped or native kids off the rez or watched other girls beat the shit out of each other until the staff came in and beat the shit out of both people and made them go into this room that was more or less the chokey, with plywood walls, shitty fucking carpet, blood, piss, shit, everything all over the place, about a hundred and ten degrees of utah desert heat, and just left them there to rot or punch walls or roll around on the floor or threaten to kill themselves or everyone else. i really, truly hated nearly every second of being there, and wanted nothing more than to get out at the end of thirty days to just go the fuck home and walk in my graduation ceremony. it wasn't so much that i cared that much about the actual act of it, but rather that it seemed like the one chance that my parents would bring me home and ignore the money-hungry, aggressive, unconcerned "therapist", who, i will add, spent our sessions reclined in her cheap computer chair, the kind with scratchy, plasticky fabric prone to ripping, staring at the ceiling, and twiddling her thumbs atop her extraordinarily ample (read: morbidly obese) stomach. it did not happen. i did not go home, nor did i go to graduation. in fact, i spent another month there, sweating my ass off, fucking playing volleyball in the goddamn sun while the maniacal coach actively tried to peg people in the face with the ball, reading the books my parents had sent me for hours in the morning, and being really damn tired of the bullshit of the other people on my unit, which happened to be green. one of the girls on my unit, i can't remember her name, but i can remember her strangely proportioned, freckly (but not in a cute way) face as well as the rumors that she had fucked her brother, believed herself to be a vampire and was serious about it. she also seemed to be under the constant impression that she would be leaving soon, and upon finding out that she was not, would flip her shit and act like an enormous idiot, resulting in punishment for the whole group. also, one time, my native friend florentina and i decided that we should try to bum a cigarette from one of these people from NA that happened to be standing outside of the gates. yes, there were actually fucking gates with spikes on top, just in case you managed to book it away without being noticed. so anyways, vampire bitch tries to rat on us, telling our group leader or whatever the fuck her position was called that we were trying to talk to people outside the fence. i lied my ass off and bitch got in trouble. actually, now that i think of it, this may have been the day that i actually came extremely close to getting beaten by this big black lady on staff. regardless.
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at this point, i'm back at home home, in bloomfield hills, sitting in the kitchen, drinking my second beer. my parents and brother are at the all knight party or some shit, and i have no idea when they will be back. i am not certain as to whether emily is asleep or not, but i don't really know what i want to do right now. BUG 8990 needs to get serviced tomorrow and i need to go buy like milk and toilet paper and shit, though i hope my mother will pay for it. apparently i'm paying my own rent this summer, so it would appear that i will be making practically no money, and definitely cannot afford to go to new york, at least not when i was thinking. i wonder how many of you have actually read this entire post, though i guess i wouldn't be surprised if most of you did. sorry for my rambling. also, my nails are the longest they have EVER been. i think i may go outside now to smoke a cigarette. my aunt and uncle got my father these citizens of humanity jeans for his birthday. he made a joke about if he put them on right then, he could go head on over to ferndale and march in the pride parade. tsk, tsk for the gay joke. though i suppose that was one of the more tame things that was discussed at the dinner table. other topics discussed by the entire family, including my grandparents, include strippers and the strip club, masturbating, and penises. good lord. okay. i have to pee.
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