11:15 am

At the moment, I am in the kitchen at Christ church Cranbrook, the same church I've always gone to. During high school, I used to do the embarassingly easy task of setting up the coffee hour every Sunday for forty bucks. It doesn't take me long to get ewrything ready, especially at this point, so I usually wander around the lower level of the church while I wait for the service to end and, as mr. John zabriskie just said to me, wait for the herd to descend hungrily on the various forms of generally pretty crappy baked goods people bring. Occasionally, some of the old biddies that essentially run this place bring homemade things which tend to actually be quite good. Today,it doesn't seem that many people were in church, but that could be due to the extreme humidity and lack of air conditioning upstairs. During the summer, it is expected that a few old men and women will drop from the heat during the service. There must be some sort of arrangement with the nearest hospital, a panic button or something that brings paramedics around the front, silently and without disruption, to cart the geezers off. Oh shit, just saw this irritating woman who loves to run her big mouth off at me. I really hope she thinks I'm my sister. She wouldn't be the first person today. Literally just happened again. The woman seemed quite perplexed. It really is sweltering down here and all I'm doing is waiting for everyone to leave so I can clean up. This, by the way, is not in fact a damn fine cup of coffee. Must leave this kitchen to avoid chatty annoying woman. I'm going to take you guys on a photographic tour of my favorite places to hide from people.



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Hey y'all. I'll be in new york July 3 till sometime before the 10th. Undetermined thus far. Carrie and Chanel are also coming, perhaps scott too.


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i have not bitten my nails for three whole weeks

despite the fact that no one is really doing much with these anymore, it's sortof all i want to do right now.  my brother graduated from high school today, but i wasn't at the ceremony for a number of reasons.  primarily, i didn't want to go because i felt like it was going to be slightly traumatizing given my own fucked up experiences surrounding my own graduation a couple of years ago.  essentially, i was locked away in this hell hole of a "rehab" center, where every day i worried about getting my ass whipped by one of the foster kids who'd gotten dumped or native kids off the rez or watched other girls beat the shit out of each other until the staff came in and beat the shit out of both people and made them go into this room that was more or less the chokey, with plywood walls, shitty fucking carpet, blood, piss, shit, everything all over the place, about a hundred and ten degrees of utah desert heat, and just left them there to rot or punch walls or roll around on the floor or threaten to kill themselves or everyone else.  i really, truly hated nearly every second of being there, and wanted nothing more than to get out at the end of thirty days to just go the fuck home and walk in my graduation ceremony.  it wasn't so much that i cared that much about the actual act of it, but rather that it seemed like the one chance that my parents would bring me home and ignore the money-hungry, aggressive, unconcerned "therapist", who, i will add, spent our sessions reclined in her cheap computer chair, the kind with scratchy, plasticky fabric prone to ripping, staring at the ceiling, and twiddling her thumbs atop her extraordinarily ample (read:  morbidly obese) stomach.  it did not happen.  i did not go home, nor did i go to graduation.  in fact, i spent another month there, sweating my ass off, fucking playing volleyball in the goddamn sun while the maniacal coach actively tried to peg people in the face with the ball, reading the books my parents had sent me for hours in the morning, and being really damn tired of the bullshit of the other people on my unit, which happened to be green.  one of the girls on my unit, i can't remember her name, but i can remember her strangely proportioned, freckly (but not in a cute way) face as well as the rumors that she had fucked her brother, believed herself to be a vampire and was serious about it.  she also seemed to be under the constant impression that she would be leaving soon, and upon finding out that she was not, would flip her shit and act like an enormous idiot, resulting in punishment for the whole group.  also, one time, my native friend florentina and i decided that we should try to bum a cigarette from one of these people from NA that happened to be standing outside of the gates.  yes, there were actually fucking gates with spikes on top, just in case you managed to book it away without being noticed.  so anyways, vampire bitch tries to rat on us, telling our group leader or whatever the fuck her position was called that we were trying to talk to people outside the fence.  i lied my ass off and bitch got in trouble.  actually, now that i think of it, this may have been the day that i actually came extremely close to getting beaten by this big black lady on staff.  regardless.  

<

at this point, i'm back at home home, in bloomfield hills, sitting in the kitchen, drinking my second beer.  my parents and brother are at the all knight party or some shit, and i have no idea when they will be back.  i am not certain as to whether emily is asleep or not, but i don't really know what i want to do right now.  BUG 8990 needs to get serviced tomorrow and i need to go buy like milk and toilet paper and shit, though i hope my mother will pay for it.  apparently i'm paying my own rent this summer, so it would appear that i will be making practically no money, and definitely cannot afford to go to new york, at least not when i was thinking.  i wonder how many of you have actually read this entire post, though i guess i wouldn't be surprised if most of you did.  sorry for my rambling.  also, my nails are the longest they have EVER been.  i think i may go outside now to smoke a cigarette.  my aunt and uncle got my father these citizens of humanity jeans for his birthday.  he made a joke about if he put them on right then, he could go head on over to ferndale and march in the pride parade.  tsk, tsk for the gay joke.  though i suppose that was one of the more tame things that was discussed at the dinner table.  other topics discussed by the entire family, including my grandparents, include strippers and the strip club, masturbating, and penises.  good lord.  okay.  i have to pee.  

HEY ALL OF YOU

oi, buckos, we need more updates!

  

an early night

it annoys me how when you press tab after typing the title, it jumps down to the goddamn labels.  what about the body of the post?  i'm not sure what sort of labels i'm going to need until i'm done, assholes.  

that said, the past few days have been quite eventful, to say the least, and in ways both expected and not.  this whole wedding shit has been made out to be a big goddamn deal, and yet, the rehearsal dinner tonight was really anything but.  as i described it earlier to my sister, i'm just doing and acting and looking like what everyone in the family wants me to.  at this point, i don't give a shit.  my hair is three inches shorter, my nails are manicured a nice girl shade of pale pink, sans french tips as my grandmother apparently finds them to be "wildly outdated", and per my mother's instructions, i can't be doing shots of vodka as it will result in my grandmother giving her shit.  eh.  the dinner started off quite awkwardly as my sister and i appeared to be the youngest, least trashy girls at the party of forty-five by quite a long shot, but we figured it out. i didn't much care for being hit on on two separate occasions, mostly because i made a goddamn effort not to look like the slutty, bisexual, drug addled cousin.  perhaps it will be better tomorrow at the actual wedding.  i don't really know why i care so much about looking like a good girl, but it has become strangely important.  

after dinner, all of us young folks, meaning my siblings and my cousin marc, the "preacher", brent, and marc's best friend, patrick, all went out on the speed boat and just drifted around and shooting the shit.  the sun was setting, it was about seventy five, and no one was on the lake, so it was quite pleasant.  i forgot how much i like being on the lake in summer.  at this point, i'm just sortof tired despite the fact that it's only eleven twenty yet.  jaleesa is probably going crazy at demf right now.  i hope so.  though if i recall correctly, it ends quite early.  whatever.  i hope she got some attention modeling them clothes to make the steep entry fee worth her while.  

for the past few days, i've been meaning to write an actually important, well as substantial as possible for me, i suppose, post, and just haven't gotten around to it.  rather, it's not even that i'm too lazy, i'm just in a constant state of self-doubt and never know what is actually relevant to all y'all.  it is, i guess.  ehh, i'll reconsider tomorrow, tonight has been too long already considering last night...AHHH THE PLANTS!!!!

Fuckin' a guys, it's a miracle! Didn't have a coughing fit last night for the first time in weeks!! Ain't no seasonal allergies gon hold me back!


-- Post From My iPhone

wednesday evening

i know all of you are desperately concerned, so i just wanted to let everyone know that i do not, in fact, have bronchitis.  the allergist gave me some steroids so i can stop fucking coughing all the time.  this is good, though i wish i hadn't waited so long to go..

i'm at my house right now and it's eighty five degrees in the shade.  just a few minutes ago, i was standing outside on the front sidewalk and just looked out over the yard and the circle and thought about all the stupid shit i'd done there.  finally it feels like summer, and being here feels like the past eighteen summers.  it also makes me never want to leave the area, despite the fact that there are significantly more interesting etc places.

i'm killing time, waiting for my mother's new cd, the man previously known as cat steven's new one, to rip onto the computer.  here is my favorite crime watch published in this week's birmingham bloomfield eagle:

Phone stolen

BIRMINGHAM - A patron of the Palladium theater put his cell phone on his lap and 

watched the Star Trek movie. When he left, he realized that he had not put his phone back 

in his pocket so he went back to look for it, but it was gone. Later, police said, the man got

a call on a different phone from the unknown person who had his lost phone and wanted $150

in cash. Police said they set up a sting operation, but the person never followed through to 

return the phone.

Literally, that is the most interesting one in there.  

Usually the crime watch features headlines such as Young children frolicking happily

down sidewalk upset elder Birmingham resident or 

Birmingham Groves student is not invited to party on terms of his loserdom, 

sues for defamation of character or other shit like that. WHY THE FUCK ARE THE 

POLICE FOOLING AROUND WITH SETTING UP A STING OPERATION FOR A STOLEN 

PHONE?? probably because there were no parties to bust that night.

It's done. Off to Emily's lacrosse game and shit.

I know it's been awhile

Hi dan, mary, chanel, carrie, bess, and jaleesa. Bess, I just left you a great message. Mary, I just saw who you would've been had you gotten that chihuahua. Carrie, you are sitting across from me in the garage on the faux-suede. Chanel, it was nice talking to you at java hut earlier. Jaleesa, I bet your day is continuing wonderfully from the great afternoon we had. Dan, I saw an adorable baby black pug and thought of you.

Tonight is the eve of jon's twentieth birthday and we are sitting in chuck's garage. Eleven eleven and me and the guy I got an mip with two years ago are having a super nerdy but great enthusiastic conversation about psychology and science and I love it. Sometimes I forget how Much I actually care about the less superficial things and just thinking about interesting ideas and being need for cognition.

-- Post From My iPhone

we're going to have fun, goddamnit

everyone is over for dinner at our house right now, and not unexpectedly, conversation at the dinner table quickly took a turn for the worse.  my cousin scott and his fiance are getting married in two weeks, and she brought up the fact that there are a lot of tattoos in her family that will surely be on display.  the conversation degraded quite rapidly as follows:

Chelsea:  My sister has some big tattoos.

Everyone discusses the possibility of Scott and Chelsea getting matching finger tattoos.

Mimi (grandmother):  Remember when [your cousin] Daniel had that thing (an eyebrow ring) in his face?

Everyone discusses how rude all the grandparents were about it.

Mimi turns to me.

Mimi:  Stick out your tongue.  Upon finding it to be tongue ring free, Oh good.

Leyla (aunt):  I don't really see the point to getting one except to...

All the grandchildren:  OH GOD EWW SICK AUNT LEYLA EWW EWW EWWW

Papa (grandfather):  What did they say?

Craig (uncle):  We're talking about tongue rings.

Papa:  Oh, I already knew all about that.

Everyone:  AUHLGJLK SICK GROSS AHH

Meanwhile, Papa is looking quite pleased with himself.  

Mom:  Papa is the biggest pervert here.

Emily:  We need to change the subject now.

Chelsea (cousin's fiance):  So, the cake was delicious.

Craig:  How about them wings?

Scott (cousin):  Quick, Michael, fart on someone to change the subject.

Good. God.

UPDATE

So we decided to play this game after dinner that was sortof like charades but with people's names.  Eliott Spitzer and Monica Lewinski were among the fifty or so cards.  Let's just say that I'd be perfectly happy to never again see a member of my family pantomime giving head ever again.  Also, my grandfather kept asking whose birthday it was.

Reality?

We have lost touch. We ave been in jaleesas on the sofa for three movies plus and it's bizarre. What does normal feel like? I have forgotten.


-- Post From My iPhone

Daily coughing fit apparently impervious to location. Sweet.


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Harry potter!

Dan is currently wearing a Maroon snuggie. He looks luke he is in harry potter bit is not good. Fuch adult swim. My iPhone

The thing I hate

About the suburbs is that you have to drive everywhere. Right now laura Garavoglia is driving dan, Carrie, and I down woodward. I'm not sure if I'm ecstatic or severely unhappy.

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An entirely inappropriate quote from young libby

Dan: is sheena pretty?

Libby: it's hard to tell because she's black.

sometimes i wonder if thinking and talking have any sort of relationship..
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Every morning I wake up and have a coughing fit at this hour. It is bullshit.
-- Post From My iPhone

fersday

...the only thing that makes me angrier is that she actually named her son anferny.

i'm at rvous right now with carrie and debora.  my car has finally been unloaded, thank the lord.  my stay at home was quite successful as i no longer have to starve or go barefoot.  on the way out the door, my mother pulled a twenty dollar bill out of her wallet and while we were both holding an end of it, she looked me in the eyes and said, "don't.  spend.  this.  on.  alcohol."  i laughed.  also of note, my sister and i watched half of antm, but i don't know who got kicked off.  my problem is that i don't like any of the four left, perhaps because i am so annoyed that fo got kicked off.  DUMBASS JUDGES.

You all know how I love to talk about Waterford

This is what Waterford looks like. I am standing on a dock taunting a giant ass swan. It is hissing at me. There is a police siren in the background, per usual. The house next door is for sale for one point five million dollars and has been on the market for over a year. I am not optimistic that it will sell.

My oldest cousin's wedding is in two weeks. His younger brother, aged twenty one, is marrying them. My parents think it is sacreligious. I am not convinced it is not, mainly because he is a dumbass frat boy who became a minister over the Internet.

4:20

Dan and I got into Ann Arbor roundabout 6:30 this morning, a mere, oh, six hours later than we had planned.  fuck capitalizing.  anyways, we had made it all the way across the u.p. by midnight and stopped at this great truck stop diner to eat some food and drink some coffee.  even though the parents were pushing for us to get a motel room (they creep me out), i decided that i was fine to keep driving since we were only four and a half hours from ann arbor.  it would not have been an unfortunate decision had there not been fucking deer all over the side of the road, just waiting, i swear to god, to jump out and kill us.  after seeing number nine (and seeing even fewer cars), i started shouting FUCK THIS FUCK THIS.  dan did not acknowledge it.  so we stopped at a rest stop for a little while and kept going, only to encounter another SEVENTEEN deer.  finally, they were gone and i was okay.

rolling into town so early is really bizarre.  with the sort of flat light before the sun has truly come up and the streets empty, ann arbor is so different.  fuck.  i just realized i have no money.  or food, for that matter.

the real issue at hand right now is that i'm sitting in the psych atrium mooching their wifi because i don't want to unpack my car or go look for a job or do anything.  my best accomplishments in the two hours since i've been up are to shower and pick up your prints, mary.  i'm trying to decide whether i can legitimately drive my car to bloomfield hills entirely full, like entirely, without getting arrested.  i just need to get to my grandparents house in the next couple of days to ask my grandfather to help me build a chicken coop for those dirty animals.  i was thinking, do chickens need sunlight?  because they're getting all big and not cute and actual chicken like, i have to leave a flattened box on top so they don't hop out and shit all over the place, but it seems that they could probably benefit from being outside or something.  hmm.  i think that's the least of my concerns at the moment.  alright, i just decided, i'm not going to unpack that shit right this second. nope.  won't do it.  can't nobody make me. 

Gahhhleee

Oh hey everyone
Guess I've got my first blog now. This is probably going to join the ranks of facebook and perezhilton in my group of time wasting websites, though I guess I don't actually have schoolwork to not be doing anymore...
Anyways, at the moment, dan and I are in the upper peninsula, despite Chanel's warning to watch out for the Nazi people. We've been in the car for around eight hours already and probably have about as many to go. I just saw a horse eating some grass out the window. Did any of you know that wisconsiners fucking love PBR? I swear to god, every bar we drove by on the slow-ass country freeway had a light up pbr sign outside. Some bitch in a truck just gave us both a pity look. I mean, we are dirty and I'm wearing the brodyke shirt, but certainly not pity worthy. This has been am interesting trip, to say the least, but I think what best sums it up is that st Olaf and macalester parties suck. A lot. Woops. Regardless, we have taken a shit ton of pictures and probably did more interesting things than we would have at home. Okay, bye





-- Post From My iPhone

Hey you, yeah you
Watch it


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